I’ve been single for my entire 20 years of life. I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve never been kissed, hell.. the highlight of my love life is the one time I got told I had nice hands to hold while two of my friends and I were guiding each other through the dark. Nothing says “romantic” quite like freaking out because you’re a little bit scared of the dark.

And do you know what? I hate being single! I hate seeing my brothers and their girlfriends being all cute and lovey-dovey. I hate seeing my friends gawk about how they’re getting married soon or about how much they love their significant other. And it’s not that I hate them. I just hate how in love with their love I am. I want to experience that and right when I think I’m about to, nothing happens and feelings (that I thought were mutual) are no more.

I would be lying if I said that some days it’s not nice to be single. Some days I truly love it! I love the freedom, the fact that there’s nobody judging me, and that I don’t have to shave because pants are a marvelous invention. But some days you just crave those goofy moments of a significant other; those memories that you always see couples sharing. Sometimes you want forehead kisses and hugs from behind, late night chats and someone to talk about your day with. And sometimes you want somebody to say “I love you” to and mean it in more than a friends or family kind of way.

Being single is hard. It straight up sucks some days. And it’s okay to hate being single. It doesn’t make you desperate or easy… It just means that you’re ready to grow in life and allow people into your life in ways that most have never been. It means that you’re ready for bigger and better things.